Will You Ever Pee Alone Again? - The Ultimate Bathroom Battle

As a parent, you might find yourself wondering, "Will I ever pee alone again?" It's a question that echoes through the minds of moms and dads worldwide. The bathroom, once a sanctuary for tranquility and solitude, has now become a battleground for parents with young children.

The Invasion of Privacy

It all starts innocently enough. Babies and children are naturally curious creatures, and there's nothing more fascinating to them than their parents doing something they don't quite understand. So when it comes to using the bathroom, mom or dad's sudden disappearance behind a closed door becomes a matter of great intrigue.

Before you know it, your little ones are pounding on the bathroom door, demanding to know what's happening inside and why they are being excluded. Privacy becomes a thing of the past, a luxury you can only dream of.

Will I Ever Pee Alone Again?: Poems for mums

by Emma Conway(Kindle Edition)

4.7 out of 5

Language	:	English
File size	:	1261 KB
Text-to-Speech	:	Enabled
Enhanced typesetting	:	Enabled
Word Wise	:	Enabled
Print length	:	119 pages
Screen Reader	:	Supported

FREE

But what exactly triggers this invasion of privacy? Is it simply curiosity or a desire to imitate adult behavior? Perhaps it's a combination of both. Regardless, the bathroom battle is real and relentless.

The Curious Observer

Have you ever noticed that children seem to have a radar for when you need to use the bathroom the most? The moment you sit down, they magically appear, like little detectives detecting your every move. Suddenly, the bathroom door bursts open, and your child stands there, wide-eyed and curious, ready to investigate.

It's as if they know it's the perfect time to strike, to catch you off guard and disrupt those precious moments of solitude. No lock can keep them out, for they have mastered the art of picking locks with their tiny fingers. You find yourself wishing for a bathroom with a biohazard sign to deter them.

The World's Tiniest Comedian

Children have an uncanny ability to turn what should be a solemn and private moment into a comedy show. They find great joy in providing you with a running commentary on everything they observe. From the water swirling down the toilet bowl to the bathroom spray you use, they make sure to give a play-by-play of the entire process.

And if that's not enough, they ask questions. Oh, so many questions. They question everything you do: why you sit down, why you wipe, why you wash your hands. They want explanations for it all, leaving you to wonder if you should have pursued a career in stand-up comedy instead.

Strategies for Survival

While it may sometimes feel like a lost cause, there are strategies you can employ to regain some semblance of bathroom privacy. One option is to involve your child in the process, turning it into a learning experience. You can explain why you need privacy and how everyone deserves it, even them. This approach might make them more understanding and willing to give you some space.

Another tactic is to establish clear boundaries and rules. Teach your child the importance of knocking before entering and waiting for your permission. Consistency is key here; they need to know that the rules apply every time, without exceptions.

If all else fails, it might be time to invest in a lock that your child cannot pick. This will create a physical barrier that can deter them from barging in uninvited. Just make sure you have an emergency plan in case they accidentally lock themselves in.

Life Beyond the Bathroom Battle

Although it may seem like the bathroom battle will never end, take solace in the fact that it won't last forever. As your children grow older and become more independent, their fascination with your bathroom routine will likely diminish.

In the meantime, try to embrace the chaos and find humor in the situation. Remember, your child's curiosity is a sign of their eagerness to learn and explore the world around them. And who knows, one day you might even miss those little interruptions and amusing commentaries.

So keep your sense of humor intact, parents. Keep fighting the bathroom battle with grace and patience. And one day, maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to pee alone again.

Will I Ever Pee Alone Again?: Poems for mums

by Emma Conway(Kindle Edition)

4.7 out of 5

Language	:	English
File size	:	1261 KB
Text-to-Speech	:	Enabled
Enhanced typesetting	:	Enabled
Word Wise	:	Enabled
Print length	:	119 pages
Screen Reader	:	Supported

FREE

There's a pyjama-clad woman from Brum,
She's a mostly-happy (sometimes-snappy) mum,
She's written some verse
- it's a little perverse -
and she hopes you find it side-splitting-ly fun!

In her first book, happy-go-lucky YouTuber and Instagrammer Emma Conway explores motherhood in all its glory through the medium of hilarious and uplifting poetry. A mum to two young humans aged 7 and 9, she revisits the days of no sleep, potty training and toddler tantrums; dives deep into first days of school, sibling bickering and watching your babies grow into little people; and writes frankly about life after having kids, embracing the mum bod and giving zero sods.

Written with huge amounts of warmth and love, and just the right amount of piss-takery, this is the reassuring hug-in-a-book you and all the mums in your life need.